If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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