The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
