Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
