Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
