I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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