The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
