You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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