i just wanna soil my oats bro
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
