I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
