I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
