I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
