just tell him i said nine months
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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