you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
