shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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