hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
