at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
