can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
