you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
