mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
