I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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