You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
