i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
