At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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