I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
