Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
