It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
