I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
