im drinking this country out of the recession.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
