just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
