I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
