I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
