and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
