we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
