I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
