Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
