So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
