how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
