bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
