Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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