Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I died a long time ago.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
