Non-Jews are for practice
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
