Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
