OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
