I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
