Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
