May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Let's get the cat blown out
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
