i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
