I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
