right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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