are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
