based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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