I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
