i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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